Why I Do What I Do

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Why Paganism?

I've always been a rather spiritual person. As a small child, I begged my parents to take me to church. I can still remember how much I loved the pageantry of it - the incense, the music, the icons, the sense of something sacred and otherworldly occurring. But even now, I can also remember how much I disliked what I was being taught. I disliked the fact that the Bible had gone through so many rewrites and edits, and that I was unable to read the original, untranslated version. I disliked the fact that most of the more liberal Saints (like St. Thomas and St. Pelagius) were not accepted by most denominations, while more misogynistic, angry, condeming souls (like St. Paul and St. Augustine) were. I disliked that Christianity had and still is used to promote bigotry, sexism, racism, and arbitrary hatred of certain groups. I disliked being taught that there was only one Divine being. I disliked the diminished role that women were offered and the fact that, although the Divine was presumed to be genderless, it was somehow always referred to in the masculine sense. I disliked being taught only the Church knew the best methods for prayer, the best ways to address the Sacred. I loved the media, but not the message. In other words, I was tailor-made to become a Pagan.

I discovered Paganism in the same way I suspect most others do these days - in my local Borders Bookstore. (Actually, I started out reading ghost stories, which were shelved next to books about the Salem witch trials in my local library. Those books in turn were shelved next to books on fortunetelling. Of course, the Tarot decks were right next to the Occult section in Borders. It was just up to me to make the logical progression.) The first book I picked up was D.J. Conway's Celtic Magic. I was hooked straight away. Here were all the elements I looked for in a religion - the candles, the incense, the chanting, the mysticism - but with equal emphasis on both genders and a more personalized approach. (Unfortunately, the historic and mythological information in the book was far from accurate, but I was enough of a history buff at the time to know when Ms. Conway was bluffing!) Wicca, by its very nature, is a highly personal religion. Although there are established guidelines, such as the Rule of Three, the Wiccan Rede, and widely accepted dates for worship, like the Full Moon Esbats, and the four Cross-Quarter days, there's quite a bit of leeway for interpretation as to how one chooses to celebrate them. Also, as I began as a Solitary, I could worship at my own pace, refining my beliefs at a comfortable speed.

I loved the freshness of Wicca, that no idea I had as to how or who to worhip, when to worship, why I should worship, was seen as inherently bad. There was so much room for improvisation that I never felt as though I was just following along. If a ritual or observance didn't have any relevance to me, I could reshape it until it became more personally meaningful. This kept, and still keeps, my feeling of connectedness to my religion alive and intact, something very much necessary in today's spiritually staid world.

Nearly half my life later, there is still much room in my beliefs for change, growth, and individuality. This, in my opinion, leads to a much greater possibility for creating a meaningful faith. For instance, while I mainly pray to Celtic dieties, I've been known to address Egyptian Goddesses, Norse nature spirits, and even the Virgin Mary, in my rituals. Because I am not limited to calling on one deity in prayer, I am able to choose the aspect of the Divine most suited to what I am praying about. Also, I can't help but believe that the cross-cultural method of worship adopted by many Wiccans leads to a better understanding of, and empathy for, members of other faiths and cultures. That is, if the Deities you pray to are not unique to your family background and social group, you're in less danger of falling into a close-minded, one-dimensional view of those different than yourself. I can't see how this could possibly be a bad thing!

On a more mundane note, I'm drawn to the historical aspect of Wicca and Paganism. I like that it draws on pre-Christian beliefs and retools them to fit in the modern world. Most "traditional" religions, like Christianity, Judaism, and so forth, have clung to outdated beliefs with the argument that "that's how it's always been done." In Neo-Paganism, the "always been done like this" anchor is not as strong. Even the ancient cultures I draw upon in my worship were not as advanced as present day secular society in many aspects. I'm free to incorporate these new aspects into Wicca while still using a framework that is very old. On a slightly different note, I like how Wicca connects me to my ancestral lands and to ancestors lost in my family's memory. I like how it combines so seamlessly with my other interests - Pictish art, Celtic music and myth, and belief in something beyond the information my five senses feed me. I'm something of a mystic and a historical romantic, and my Neo-Pagan beliefs feed and complement those interests in a way more "traditional" religion never did.

Most importantly, when I pray to the Lord and Lady, I feel as though they are listening intently to what I say - a feeling I never had in a crowded church surrounded by other praying souls. Plus, Wicca, by its very nature, often requires its followers to create every aspect of religious observance themselves. When I worship, there is no priest reading sermons, no deacon intoning sacred verse, no choir to provide music. If I want those elements to be part of my worship, I have to provide all of them on my own. This makes me feel more personally connected to the God and Goddess, and I also feel that they are paying closer attention to me because everything I contribute is my own.

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So, those are several of the many reasons as to why I call myself a Pagan today. There certainly are more, and my reasons are constantly changing and evolving. However, I've felt a greater spiritual satisfaction as a Wiccan than I ever did previously, and while I can't state that every other Wiccan has the exact same reasons for his or her beliefs, I think the last one is shared by all.